The Kobold Victory Chart

Oh I wish I wish I could take credit for how cool this is…Mike Mearls…my D & D Hero wrote this on his LiveJournal.  Enjoy!

Kobolds are poor, abused, misused, maltreated, underdogs. The poor little sods are so beaten down that their language lacks a word for victory. The closest they have roughly translates into Common as, “The lack of understanding and realization that we’re really, really going to lose again.”(Kobold is much like German in that it takes massive, complex concepts and squishes them down to one word. That’s because kobolds, with their ridiculously short lifespans, believe in saying a lot with few words.)

If a kobold does manage to drop an adventurer, an intense (though invariably brief) celebration is in order. Roll a d20 and consult the following chart:

1 – 10. No effect.
The kobold lacks the imagination to do anything interesting. It might chitter or giggle, but it really doesn’t know what to do when it defeats something.

11. Kill things, take their stuff!
The kobold picks an item off the fallen adventurer as its trophy. It spends a minor action next round dancing in celebration before running off.

12. Ask not what the tribe can do for you…
The kobold spends a round standing on the fallen adventurer’s body, delivering a victory speech. All kobolds heal 5 hit points.

13. I attribute my success solely to good fortune.
The kobold immediately hides in its victim’s backpack or under his unconscious/dead form.

14. Whoah. Srsly?!?
The kobold is stunned for one round, shocked by its own success.

15. Who’s yer daddy?!?
The kobold marches off to challenge the tribe’s chief to a duel for supremacy.

16. C’mon guys, we can do this thing!
The kobold lets out an inspiring whoop that grants all kobolds +1 on attacks for the rest of the fight.

17. Who’s next?!?
The kobold gains an action point.

18. I worry this will only anger them.
The kobold drops its weapon and runs away. It comes back to the fight in 1d4 rounds.

19. I’m the Quidditch Hat Rack*!
The kobold taps into the true nature of its draconic heritage. In time, he will grow to become a messiah amongst his people, a herald of a new race of draconic kobolds who shall rule the world. Unless, of course, the surviving adventurers squash him. In any case, he can now breath fire, blast 3, 1d8 + his level in fire damage.
*When I saw the movie version of Dune, before I read the novel, I thought this was what Paul called himself. I think it sounds like a neat title for a kobold messiah.

20. WHO’S A MINION NOW MOTHERF****R?!?!
The kobold becomes blessed by Kurtulmak. He becomes size Large, gains 16 hit points and gets +2 on attacks, damage, and defenses.

Advertisements

~ by lyoncage on March 13, 2008.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: